woe is me.
parents have been really pushing me to get on with my life pronto. ever since i passed the boards they keep on reiterating to me to find a decent job that is apt for my license and be more focused on my career.
no time for play time, they say.
when will i actually experience my life? learn about the birds and bees? fall in love? make lots of mistakes? do something dumb? go on an adventure? and the list goes on... i wouldn't have a take on them anyway.
the usual mall rat that i am, i entered one of my favorite accessory shop, Apostrophe, and browsed through their collection. while i was there, there was this french song that was playing over their speakers and i can't help but feel so warm and fuzzy with the melody and lyrics. i ended up asking the shop lady what song and who the artist is and well, right now, i'm so in love with this song!
listen/watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=
je suis bien, bien avec toi
si bien, loin de tout tracas
je veux etre seule, seule avec toi
laissons la terre tourner
et restons sous les draps
We met at SMNE with the purpose of delivering him his Merlin dvds and have an experience of Kingdom Hearts 3D, and maybe update each other a little. Well, what happened was something beyond that.
As I was texting him while going down the escalator, he purposely walked past me and was about to go up the other escalator if I didn't tug on his yellow shirt. I always forget how tall he is. Damn.
So we met, ate at Manang's and talk about anything we could think of. I also played with his NDS after we ate. Took us about 2 hours there then decided to look for BDO to finally pay me.
I told myself, "I will maximize this free day. I swear."
We ended up going around the mall a little, then went to the supermarket to buy his fresh milk cartons *_* Teasingly, I told him I wanted to have a drink. He refused to join me coz he still have class the next day. I convinced him at least to just tag along while I drink a bottle or two, that he doesn't have to drink. I just need alcohol badly (especially at that very moment). We went out to Sky Garden and hit the usual bar and ordered for one...two...three bottles each.
What did we talk about? Anything and everything under the gloomy night, but amidst all the things we thought of, I couldn't ask him about her. I just couldn't.
For all that's worth, at least, we enjoyed the night talking, laughing, floating under the influence. I just have snap out of my trance while staring at him while leaning back and laughing heartily with a glass of T. Ice on his hand.
and then i see you going head over heels so passionately for someone. you begin to pour out your emotions in such a beautiful arrangement of words that i can't help but feel jealous of her. how she brings out the best in you without even her knowing. and here i am, witnessing all of it, wishing it was me instead.
on to the next chapter of my life i guess.
THE WORKING DUDE ARC. haha.
when i arrived from the US after a month of vacation, i immediately applied for a job at ABSCBN as a catalog writer. luckily, i got the job after 3 excruciating exams and a full house panel interview. thank God i landed a job! these few days I've been working on the pre-employment stuff: SSS, TIN, police clearance, medical etc. and i'll be working full-time on august 1. until then, my life is still on vacation mode. well, technically.
the family has been undergoing a lot of problems lately and i don't want to delve into those things anymore. the thing is, due to these problems, every action of mine is greatly affected. i can't really go out. i can't enjoy life as much as i can. pretty depressing and frustrating at the same time. i have to make an excuse to go out though.
I NEED TO GO OUT AND SEE THE WORLD AGAIN.
so i passed the upcat and a whole new life was bound to welcome me in UP. my course is mostly made up of males. imagine 4 out 25 bs ee students are female. that kind of ratio. yeah, i became one of the guys. i was able to keep up with how the guys think (including the dirty ones) and was okay with it actually. i struggled with my engineering subjects since my mind's not really inclined with such technicalities. i shifted out of electrical engineering and to mechanical engineering, but i didn't even stay for one year with that course. i was even kicked out of the university (not just in the college) because there was one sem that i didn't pass any of my subjects. i applied for reconsideration to accept me again in up diliman. luckily, they allowed me. by 3rd year i applied for non-major, meaning... i have no specific course track. i was a wandering undergraduate student. another year of being a bum, trying out one course after another. until i ended up at LIS. and well, things got better little by little. when i finally found my niche in LIS i was still not the best student. i'm still lazy, had a lot of blunders here and there, but i got through. because at one point, you yourself will have to move your own body and push yourself to do something.
my thesis period was one of the unforgettable moments. my topic was denied last summer so i have to research again and submit another topic. by 1st sem last year, i was really a lazy bum, not doing anything on my thesis topic presentation. thus my pretend game with my parents. this 2nd sem, i was only able to present by the end of february. i started my data gath second week of march, and crammed my chapter 4 and 5 by the end of march.
and then, i found myself finally graduating.
i'm telling you guys this to be a living proof that,
you may be worse than other people in many ways, but there will be something good in you that will get you through life.
NEVER GIVE UP. NO MATTER WHAT.
is it by chance that i got this fortune from the fortune cookie? it's pretty funny how it fits the situation i'm in right now.
it will be 3 weeks since that last farewell and i guess i'm doing fine.
there are times where i remember the things we did together, how he would immediately comment on the designs/photos i post on fb or g+ and understand each other's jargon about the things that interests us...
it's a good thing i didn't write about them or else i'm going to have a harder time moving on.
oh well, there's still tomorrow.
(ironically, i got the expression "oh well" from him)
start of the reminiscing week.
memories of him come across my mind every now and then.
everywhere i go, i always find something that will remind myself of him. even here at home, i can still feel his memories lingering.
what really makes me so sad is that, it's not going to happen again anymore.
that knowing look in his eyes
before we hugged each other...
"i know, and i'm sorry..."
i should be happy that i was one of the people he said goodbye to.
but...why now? why the sudden distance?
when i'm okay with the "still friends" treatment that i'm getting.
i'm totally okay...compared to the sudden decision of leaving me, leaving us in the air.
help me understand.
We've been replying to each other more or less, sharing random thoughts and even personal ones.
But- He's thinking.
He's thinking hard.
I hope he is.
I thought that I was settled already with the thought that he's still comfortable with me after my confession. I should already be okay now.
This is not what's happening to me right now.
I'm getting stressed more than ever! Should I even get stressed by this??
This is much worse than the realization that I already confessed my feelings to him.
it's been a while since i wrote here.
a lot of things have happened; a lot of memories made and a lot of feelings involved.
i don't even know where to start.
it's hard to keep on denying something that is quite obvious.
you'll end up finding yourself giving up and giving in anyway.
i'll probably just enjoy it while it lasts...
letting go of all i've held on to
i'm standing here until you make me move
i'm hanging by a moment here with you
-Hanging by a moment by Lifehouse
my cousins are killing me with their mushiness *_*
seriously, men are sappier than women
and they really fall hard for a person when they do.
that is why it's harder for them to move on compared to us.
glad to be a woman this time :D haha
My hands gripped the sheets so tight.
I wanted to shout,
but I couldn’t.
I turned, tumbled and twisted.
My breath in between seconds of air.
I wanted to cry out,
but no tears fell.
as my strength is being drained.
I listened to myself whimper
as the bed creaked from movement.
My hands gripped the sheets so tight.
“FUCK YOU CRAMPS”.
Also, if you would observe, the outline of the whole poem looks like a half-silhouette of a person ^^
A/N 2: Hi Jeff! How was it? ^^;;
As the music starts,
the heart beats with it.
Slow, unsure but sincere,
the little notes floated faintly
across the lighted room.
An intake of air before the first line.
The sudden anticipation,
like laying down the red carpet,
before Melody gracefully walks in.
The first few lines came out by instinct.
Words were spoken as
the outlines were being filled.
But as the notes rushed by,
so did the emotions,
transcending, building up.
It made the words heavier,
but the notes lighter.
With every breath held,
as if one's life depend on it.
With every word spoken,
as if it were their very last.
And as if on cue,
Harmony blended in,
soaring across the dim-lighted room,
like any time you can take on the world together.
Such a perfect moment created within seconds,
but a memory that will last with every beat, note and tune of life.
parents recently bought a dslr and they're asking me to learn it. what for? to have me as the go-to person when there's a problem with it. i'm 100% sure that the person who's going to benefit from the dslr is my sister >.< she's definitely going to hoard it to flaunt it to her friends. her arguement: she has more important events to capture than my experiences with my friends.
but wait. there's more. she's going to have her cheerdance competition on saturday and she's "kind enough" to ask me to be the photographer/videoman. i was surprised at first, coz i was invited to dinner by my friend who was celebrating his birthday. yes, i was ready to turn down my sister for it. but then she began ranting like i don't have the right to choose that over her competition. and that i promised her to attend her competition.
all this time, i've been letting her have her own way, not nagging about her choices in life anymore. and now, something that i want to enjoy for myself and i'm fucking deprived?
when will it be my happiness then?
LAGI NA LANG PARA SA KANILA.